People love asking moms about their baby making plans.
“Are you done?”, “Are you planning on more?”, and my favorite phrasing – with all the negative overtones-, “You’re done, right?!”.
And in case it isn’t awkward enough when friends and family asks these questions- us moms also hear this from strangers, like our cashiers.
I cannot help but wonder why people feel like they should ask someone about their birth control plans? That is what it is, after all. They may as well ask if we are planning to have some unprotected sex again. And the truth of the matter is, whether I am or not, it feels too personal and like something that is no ones business but the people who’d be making (or preventing) the baby.
And the thing is, there is no right answer. I mean, one person may want to hear you say “YES! I’m so done!” and they will sigh in relief, laugh and make a comment on how full your arms are already but that same answer to someone else will make them look at you in surprise and question why you want to make a permanent decision right now and they will talk about all the wonders another child could add to your life. While if you tell someone you are not sure or maybe you are planning one more (as I found out when I had 2 girls and people would ask if I was planning a third) you can get comments like, “Oh, you got to try for that boy, huh?”. As if my whole plan in life is to be a baby making factory until a preferred gender one arrives. Would I love a boy? SURE! But would I make the decision about how many kids I want to have and how my family will look and feel and function for the rest of my life over the 50% chance of a certain gender? uh, no. If I have another child that will be based off a bit more than hoping for a gender.
In the end, though, it just isn’t anyones business. Unless, of course, you are the person I’d be making that baby with- then it’s completely your business. That’s the only exception.
So moms (or those of you who are not parents yet who have people questioning your child baring plans), don’t feel pressured to respond. If someone asks you your plans for your sex life, it’s ok to just not answer them. If that person is willing to put you in the awkward position of having to answer such a super personal question, it’s ok to just smile or even wink and not respond and let the awkward silence roll into another conversation. Or come up with a witty come back (which I’d be thrilled to give examples of here if I were at all witty and could think of things like that).
Yesterday we took a family hiking trip on a 4 mile trail in the woods. We really enjoyed ourselves and loved the time outside in the fresh air. Eve practically ran the entire thing! She was really impressive. Ariel rode on Jason’s shoulders for most of the walk and I had Grace in my Ergo Carrier. We had great, mild weather for hiking in January. We spent a lot of the time talking about how much more we want to do this and talked about how much we want to go camping this summer. I have a wishlist of a tent and sleeping bags and basic gear but just going out to the North Jersey state campgrounds and “roughing” it as simply as possible is my goal. I’m hoping we keep getting enough mild weekends that I can work on my hiking skills all winter, though. The Ergobaby carrier was FANTASTIC. I have had it for 4 years now and it’s a little worn and stained from use over the years but it has held up magnificently and was really supportive. The weight of having someone on me for a 4 mile walk started to hit me around mile 3, though! My lower back and shoulders are still a bit sore today. I plan to keep going on hikes with her and build up my strength for this kind of activity.
I challenge you all, get active and go for some hikes. Push yourselves and teach your kids to love nature and being outdoors. It’s so good for our bodies and our minds and is a great, affordable way to spend some time together.
The end of 2012 deserves a post! I have not even had the blog up for a full month and I’m pretty stinking proud of it. My top day so far, I had 1808 views in one day! That means you guys are pretty awesome for sharing and finding my post worth reading. Thank you!
Today I am thinking about this past year. We moved into a townhouse, still under our same horribly difficult landlord but at least it fits us all, I had my incredible drug-free VBAC with Grace, Ariel turned 2 and Eve turned 4. My mom lost her home from the hurricane, Sandy, and is living with us until her home is restored, I’ve completely changed the way we eat this year (been “flexitarians” for 7 months now), Ive lost 30 Lbs so far, and I’ve started this blog. Ive also gained some friends, lost some friends, have made more decisions on who I am, who I want to be, and what I care about and what I do not care about. I’m still shaping up. I’m still making mistakes. I’m still changing and growing as a human. I’m still evaluating and reevaluating. I’m still figuring things out on how to be a mom and how to raise kids in a Christian home in our modern day.
In the new year, I want to keep changing and growing as a person. I want to become fairer and more merciful and loving. I want to become wiser and less self conscious. I want to be bold and strong. I want to keep getting healthier. I want to spend more one on one time with each of my kids and go on more dates with my husband. I want to get more involved in our church and start really using what God has given me to bless. And I really really want the Fiscal Cliff stuff to not swallow us alive. haha
Have a great New Years everyone!
Yes, that’s right- I’m giving something out!
Llama Llama books are pretty fantastic. And so are Christmas books. So what is better than the 2 together?
Llama Llama Holiday Drama is a book worth winning!
To win this book all you need to do is:
- Like my FB page- https://www.facebook.com/AWarriorMom
All of todays New “likes” will automatically be submitted to win
- Share the FB page with your friends
Each “Share” automatically put you in for another submission to win
- And for each friend who “likes” and tells me YOU sent them- you get ANOTHER submission!The book will be sent out to you right from Amazon TONIGHT if you are the winner.
Winner will be picked at random.
So lets let the cat out of the bag. We don’t do Santa here. I know! My poor children. Not that we don’t LOVE Santa. Why, Santa is just as loved around here as Dora the Explorer and her banana eating monkey. Vamanos!
But really. We adore Christmas here. We watch all the movies, sing all the songs, decorate the house and go out looking at all the other lit houses. We do not tell our kids he is a real man. Mommy and Daddy buy the gifts. We even like going to see the mall Santa, just the way we like seeing Bugs Bunny at six flags. But no, we do not believe in Santa. People tend to get shocked by moms like myself who kill all Christmas spirit and joy with this dreadful honesty. Like we go out of our ways to break random children’s candy canes and chase down street Santa’s with our minivans. What they don’t see is that I spend 80% of my time at home joyfully singing Christmas songs with my kids. That I love cuddling up with them for the original claymation holiday specials, that my kids and I bake Christmas cookies and make snowflake crafts. Our Christmas isn’t missing a drop of love and closeness. No one is deprived of joy and merriment. On Christmas morning my kids mouths still drop open at the sight of their gifts under the decorated, lit-up tree, while they rub the sleep out of their eyes, wearing new cuddly Christmas pajamas that they were given the night before.
Mothers tell me often about their own horror and anger when they discovered that Santa wasn’t real or when their child found out Santa wasn’t real. I personally feel that it’s misguided anger at having been lied to for years and made to believe that some supernatural phenomenon was happening as they slept that never happened. Those moms think that my kids will feel that anger always because I never told them this lie but they don’t know that I myself was raised in a house that didn’t treat Santa as a real man. I never once experienced anger and have absolutely no negative memories or feelings about Santa or being told anything about Santa. I understood others did believe in him and respected their families decision to tell them that and kept my truths to myself. But I never felt anger. I actually felt like I was in on something that others should know too and felt bad that they were being tricked when I just got to have fun and enjoy it all and know it would never become an upsetting issue or event in my life.
For me, part of being an AP mom and part of being a Christian means telling the truth to my kids. I don’t want to spend 5-10 years lying about things to my children that they could have enjoyed just as much without the lie. That means Christmas and Easter and tooth fairies. If I don’t believe with my heart it’s true, I don’t speak it with my mouth to them. If anything, I want my kids to know without a shadow of a doubt that I have been truthful with them and honest.
Our Christmas and Easter and all our other little occasions are still amazing and loving and joyous, as they should be, without sacrificing truth.
Want to know about another family who doesnt do traditional Santa? Check out The Feminist Breeder
People have referred to me as everything from a nut to a Nazi when it comes to Carseats. I am nuts for Carseats and keeping kids safe. Since Motor vehicle accidents are the number one cause of death for kids in the US, I think one of our top priorities needs to be keeping our children as safe as possible when in the car and if there is something available that is safer to do in the car, we should take full opportunity of that something. This is why my 2 1/2 yr old is still rear-facing and will continue to rear-face and my 4yr old was only turned forward facing (and is still harnessed and will remain harnessed) a few months ago. Also, I’m a stickler about carseat installation and children being properly harnessed into their seats. Because if any one of those things done align (proper installation of seat, child in proper seat for their age, weight and height, and being strapped properly into their seat) they are at a higher risk of serious injury if in an accident.
So, I am getting official and have signed up for the CPST course! CPST stands for Child Passenger Safety Technician and they are those super cool and knowledgeable people who will do carseat checks for people. I have been searching for a course near to me for a good to years now and finally one is coming within an hour from me in June. I was able to sign up and am certain that as of this summer, I will be official. Now not only will I be a carseat nut, I will be a certified carseat nut. But really, I just want to see kids safe and parents empowered with understanding on what a difference using their seats correctly makes.
I know you think you are a fantastic driver and you probably are but no one is immune to the chaos that is our roads. Just this past summer I was driving through a green light (I had the right away) and a 94 yr old in a large SUV plowed right through the red, going 40 miles per hour, and gave us a nice side impact, hitting the back driver side door where my 2yr old was harnessed in rear-facing. Her seat hit into the babies rearfacing bucket seat, which bucked up. And Eve was on the other side, very shaken up but unharmed. We took the ride to the hospital to have all my hysterical children checked out and, Praise God, we were unharmed. Our carseats did their job because we easily could have been greatly harmed. You never know when something like this could happen and knowing your kids are as safe as humanly possible for this incident can make the difference between life and death for them.
My sweet babies the night of our accident. You can see how distressed Ariel was. She was the one most directly hit. She is still receiving chiropractic care for her neck since then but praise God, her carseat did it’s job and kept her whole and healthy
As I get closer and closer to Grace turning a year old, other than getting really depressed over how fast my babies grow, I have been obsessing over getting my tattoo touched up! I got my breastfeeding tattoo (my first ever tat) for mothers day last year in 2012. It has the scripture Isaiah 66 11-13 on it.
I’m, personally a huge fan for it other than the fact that it needs a touch up because the artist forgot to color the bottom part of it Red. Also, I’m not a huge fan for the two spots on the top of the heart that are faded out. It looks like he stuck his thumbs into paint before it dried and caused it to be lighter there. So a touch up is a must for those little things.
In addition to this, like a good tattooed person…. I want more. It’s true what they say. Tattoos are like potato chips and I cant just have one. I want to expand on it. I want to add some pretty swirly, swiggly design (you can tell from my in-depth artistic vocabulary why I don’t do the drawing)with a dove (or more?) flying from it. I can’t wait to get this drawn up. So, are you artsy? Because you are free to draw for me if you like. Otherwise, I’ll just bring it to a local tattoo artist. So this is my current obsession. Along with all my other nonstop obsessions, of course.
photo courtesy my 4yr old, Eve- hence, the lovely blurriness