Kids can be really trying. They may be adorable and yes, we love them with all our hearts and minds and souls, but that doesn’t mean we are always patient with them and understanding. The years may go by fast but the days are often long, tiring, and bedtime cannot come soon enough. Something I have been having to remind myself of lately is that my kids are worth being patient for. They are worth talking nicer to. They are worth listening to even when I do not want to listen. They are little but they are people and have thoughts and feeling and desires and ideas and they want to share them and be understood and be responded to, even when we feel it’s something silly or small or common sense.
When the kids are breaking a rule that I have been reminding them of all day long, it can become a huge struggle to be patient. But they are worth doing it for and your kids are too. When our kids are older, we don’t want their memory of us to be red faced and yelling about standing on the couch (for the 500th time) or of us yelling at them for a sibling fight that they were actually the victim of and not the initiator. Our kids deserve to be heard and loved on, even when we have had rough days. They deserve to be talked to like equals and reminded of the rules in love and kindness, and not with impatience and aggression. Even when our intentions are good and for their safety, if it comes out of our mouths in anger, the lesson of love is lost on our children.
When we talk our kids down and let ourselves snap, we are bullying our own children. We are taking advantage of our size and authority over them and using it against them. When we angrily grab them and move them to a place where they are less likely to get hurt- in our minds we are getting them to safety, but they see the aggression and all they are taught is that we can be rough and get physical to those smaller than us who do things we don’t like.
We are all human and it can be extremely difficult to get through a day without getting at all impatient and exasperated, but our kids are worth the effort. They are worth reminding ourselves that they need to be treated equally. They are not trying to upset us. They are not trying to mistreat the house, hurt their sibling (well, we hope not!), or put themselves in danger. They are just playing the way they play and being who they are meant to be at these young ages. As parents, there are better, nicer ways to remind our kids of the rules. There are more loving ways to move them to safety. If your tone and presence is impatient and frustrated, the message you are sending your child is one of impatience and frustration.
Remember, these little people may seem little right now but they will grow to be adults soon enough. What kind of adults are we trying to raise? I know I hope to raise adults who are kind, loving and patient. Adults who respect others and sympathize with others feelings. Adults with empathy and compassion. Adults with healthy coping mechanisms and aren’t easily brought to anger. In order to do that, I need to be the kind of adult to them I want them to become, because we are the biggest influence in their lives.
It takes work to change. It takes work, and thought, and purpose and intention to direct our actions when our emotions and exhaustion is getting the best of us. Our children are worth it, though. Knowing we made their day a little better. That they were yelled at less, laughed more, and had better lifelong examples of kindness instilled in them is worth it.
Part 2 of the “Your Kids are Worth it” series.
I know breastfeeding is hard. It can be really uncomfortable. It can be awkward when around others. It can take a lot of getting used to, physically, mentally and emotionally. It can cause clogged ducts and mastitis. It can cause family members and friends to start problems with you. It can cause strangers in the mall to give you attitude, even. And, most of all, for a tiny 2% of us (but a REAL 2%) it can be impossible. There is sacrifice involved to breastfeed our babies.
If you can overcome and fight through the awkwardness and learning to latch right and learning to trust your body to make enough and get through those hardships, your child is worth it. And there are people around who can help you and support you and WANT to help and support you while you battle through the hardships of figuring out breastfeeding.
Why is breastfeeding worth it? It’s natural. That may not mean a ton but lets put it this way- it is babies perfect food. Your breast milk is perfectly balanced for your baby. It even changes for your baby as their needs change. Breast milk gives your baby all of the vitamins and nutrients they need, even if your diet is far from perfect. Your breast milk also changes in fats as your baby gets bigger and needs more fatty milk. When there are germs around, your breast milk is a constant source of antibodies going right to your baby to protect them from illness. Also, it is full of hormones that induce thyroid growth and get the babies body up and functioning the way it is meant to. While breast milk is not the only solution for your baby to meet their dietary needs, it is by far the best and most nutritionally dense option. Click Here for ingredients in breast milk
Not only does this mega source of nutrient dense food give baby a better start, it also effects long term health. This does not mean formula fed people are all unhealthy and malnourished for the rest of their lives. I understand that many of us were formula fed and are doing quite well now. It means, we could be doing even better than well, had we been fed differently. Babies who are breastfed show to have lower rates of high blood pressure, cholesterol, obesity and type 2 diabetes.
A concern for many parents is work. Most moms today need to work and breastfeeding and working full time can be really difficult to swing. Pumping isn’t fun but with the breast pumps we now have access to today, it is quick and possible to pump at work. Plus, state laws are written in your favor to make sure you have the time and space you need to pump milk while you are at work. If buying a pump is too costly, most hospitals and IBCLC’s have hospital grade pump rentals available.
For moms who cannot breastfeed, this can be a huge heartache of a subject. My heart goes out to you if you are one of them. Please know, though, that your options are not limited to strictly formula. There are milk exchange programs. I know the thought of handling some else (especially a strangers) breastmilk can be uncomfortable and safety is even a concern for some. Most moms who breastfeed and take the time to pump and donate to those in need, typically aren’t the type who are also participating in drugs or dangerous activities that negatively effect breastmilk. Rest assure, though, you can interview and find out info about your donor. Also, some organizations will screen their donors as well. If you are in need of donor breast milk here are some places you can begin your search. milkshare , Eats on Feets , Human Milk 4 Human Babies. Also, you can contact you local Le Leche League group. Many moms pump and have extra that they would be more than happy to donate and an LLL group is a fantastic way to find those moms who are local to you. Even if you can’t get enough milk from donation to meet 100% of babies milk needs, it will benefit them to have part of their diet from breastmilk. For a mom who is struggling with supply and needs to use another source, whether it’s another mothers milk or formula, but still wants the bonding and closeness that comes with breastfeeding or is still trying to induce lactation or a higher milk supply in herself, there is also the option of using an SNS, which allows the mother to feed baby at the breast still.
So, while breastfeeding is not always easy, it is often possible. There are lots of places to go for help with breastfeeding. You can even just start asking questions on twitter to amazing, knowledgeable people like Desirre Andrews (CLE) and Nancy Holtzman (RN IBCLC). Or you can go to Kellymom where there is tons of reliable, evidence based breastfeeding information. For concerns, questions, fears, or just needing encouragement to breastfeed, there are also amazing organizations like Best for Babes, where they always speak the truth in love, are gentle and completely understand your hesitations about whether breastfeeding is something you want to do. If you need hands on support or you just want to go see what breastfeeding is really like, you can attend a Le Leche League meeting. You do not have to have a baby already to go. They will welcome you with open arms even if you are just going to learn more before you make a decision. You can also call your hospital or do a google search to find IBCLC’s in your area who can work with you on any breastfeeding concerns or issues you are experiencing.
Breastfeeding is not always easy but with proper help and support, it does get easier. And these babies, who we conceived, grew in our wombs, birthed and now love so much- they are worth all that work and all that sacrifice. Their short term and long term health are worth trying. Whether that means trying to put stereotypes and awkward cultural ideas about our breasts aside so we can see our bodies and their relationship with our infants differently or means trying to overcome latching problems or unsupportive family and friends- these babies are worth it. And if you can’t, have peace in knowing you tried and did what you could. This post is not one of judgement but one of love, strength and encouragement.
Part 1 of the “Your Kids are Worth it” series.
I’m writing you today because “you survived it” and “you’re just fine”. I hear these phrases so often. “Well, we didn’t even have seatbelts and we survived!”.
It’s probably true. You are here reading this so I’m guessing you haven’t had any severe head trauma or ever died in a car accident. You’re fine. Your kids probably will be too. Probably.
According to the NCSA, 1,591 children were killed in motor vehicle accidents in 2003. That was 6 children per day between ages 0-14 and 694 children per day were injured.
So, yes, your child will probably not be one of those children but the chances are great enough. The chance is there that you could be in a major accident and your child could be injured or killed in it.
Why am I telling you this? Because you have options. Your actions can give your child a better chance of surviving an accident by taking carseat safety seriously. I happen to be of the belief that our kids are worth it. They are worth buying the better carseats for. They are worth inconveniencing ourselves for. Their safety and their lives are worth us putting a little extra effort into keep them as safe as possible when we travel.
The best thing to do when you have young kids is keep them rearfacing! Most convertible carseats sold now have high rearfacing capabilities, allowing kids to rearface to 40 lbs and even 45 lbs. When a child is rearfacing and in an accident, the carseat takes the impact and not their necks.
There should be no rush to forward face a child. ALL people are safer rearfacing in the car than forward facing. The only reason we turn forward facing is because we do not have the seats to accommodate bigger kids and adults eventually need to drive… which requires seeing! Rearfacing is actually 500% safer for a young child! That’s a lot of percentage.
Once a child truly has outgrown the ability to rearface with the seats we have here, they should go into a 5 point harnessed seat that forward faces. Again, being harnessed is massively safer for the child than being in just a seatbelt. Every step UP towards a seatbelt is a step DOWN in safety for your child.
With using the correct carseat for your child, also comes the need to use the carseat properly. Read the carseat manual. And I mean actually read it. Then get it installed into your car per the manual’s direction and if for some reason it is not making sense or the seat is not installing right, find a certified carseat technician who can help you. When putting your child in the carseat, the straps should always be snug against them and the chest clip on their chest (about nipple height).
For more info on using carseats safely, Click Here.
If one day you are in an accident, I want to see you on the relieved end of possibilities- relieved your child was safe and secure and made it through with no serious injury. And even if there is a chance that your child will come out ok without being safely secured, is that a risk you want to take? The odds may work out but there is also a good chance they won’t. Will you be left wishing and wondering if you could have saved them? If taking some extra precautions and making the extra sacrifice could have been all the difference for them? Your child is worth it. They are worth going the extra length and doing everything that is in your power to do to keep them from getting hurt. I know times are hard. I know money is tight. I know time is limited. But in the end, they are still worth it.